Conspiracy theorists and mainstream muggles: how to stay friends when you find yourself worlds apart

Have you lost some friends over the last few years? Sadly, most of us have. And it’s not like most of us can afford to lose them. In a study undertaken by Biddle & Gray in January 2021, 36% of the people they surveyed had experienced loneliness in the previous week. That’s way too high a figure.

So, what can you do when your friend just doesn’t see the world the way you do anymore?

One: Put down the sword

Have you tried fighting it out? Then you know it only makes the gulf between you wider. You can’t wake anyone up with an argument nor with ridicule and everyone is only going to feel worse at the end of it.

Realise that your friend is also wondering how an intelligent person like you can be so daft as to believe what you believe. Just like you, they’re thinking, "How could you be so blind to reality? When did you stop thinking for yourself?".

Two: Get on the same side

Stop looking at what divides you and focus on what you have in common. For one thing, you both think the other is crazy, so what you have in common is the feeling underneath the words: sadness at the divide between you, fear for the future, frustration, despair, grief.

Recognise that what your friend is looking for is certainty in times of overwhelming uncertainty, and you’re probably needing that too, right? You’re just leaning on different things to find that sense of safety.

Three: Let your beliefs sit next to each other too

Most of us are deeply steeped in a culture that says there’s only one truth. One thing is right, so everything else is wrong. This is what fuels the arguments. But you know what? Life is way more mysterious than we humans can grasp.

I mean, the parts that make up atoms can be waves or particles, depending on what you’re looking for. Entangled particles behave the same way, instantly, even if they’re on different sides of the planet. The persimmon tree in my backyard is sometimes male, sometimes female, and sometimes both at once. Once you start looking, there are mindboggling facts everywhere.

So let your mind be boggled and realise that your truth is actually rather small in the face of the mysteries of life and can sit very nicely next to your friend’s truth without any need to battle and conquer. Both truths, holding hands, gazing at the stars.

Four: Hold your beliefs lightly

We’re in times of tremendous change, and you can be sure that whatever you believe now will likely be thrown out the window in the next few years.

Look at the phone in your hand and imagine going back in time to visit your mum as a child. Now imagine trying to explain that in your lifetime you won’t need to go to a library anymore because you will have a little device that has all the information. Plus, all the music. Plus, you’ll be able to watch eagle eggs hatch in real-time on the other side of the world, like a magic window into anywhere. From your mother’s perspective that would be pure magic and completely unbelievable, because everyone knows you can’t fit more than a handful of books in one hand, let alone all the libraries.

Beliefs are transient, friendships can last a lifetime. Make your choice.

Four: Rebuild the bridges

So, you’ve hurt your friend’s feelings, and they’ve hurt yours. How are you going to fix it?

Start by simply telling them how you feel: I’m sorry we argued. I’m so sad that we’re not talking. I miss you. I don’t understand what you believe, and I don’t know if I even can, but it doesn’t matter: our friendship lives in my heart, not in my mind. I hope we can still be friends.

If you need to take very small steps, start by sending a friendship card with a handwritten message. Print out a picture of the two of you before the rift and slip it into the card. Here are a bunch of cards to choose from.

Or send one of our Friendship books, with a handwritten message inside the front cover.

Five: Heal your heart

A fire ceremony can help you move the energy around the issue and bring peace to your heart.

Sit for a moment and feel into all the things you want to release from your relationship: the sadness, the arguments, the void between you. Write it all out if you like, or just blow those feelings into a leaf or a stick and then place it in a fire. Ask spirit, however you conceive of it, to help you release those things from your life as you watch it burn.

Then feel into all the things you want to have in your relationship: the laughs, the intimacy, the caring. Feel how it feels in your body to have those things and soak in that for as long as you need to, allowing the feelings to be a balm for your heart. Then blow those feelings into a leaf or stick, or write it all out and scrunch it up, and then feed that into the fire as a prayer.

Six: Let it go

Some things take time. Your friend might be ready, or they might not. Hold them in your heart and let it take as much time as it takes. Remember that deep underneath the whirling chaos of life, love is a constant thread that’s never really broken.